Existence Itself Is an Error Ch 06

 

Chapter 06

As soon as break time came, i opened the classroom door and called him straight away without even asking any other students.

“Seo Hee-jun.”

Seo Hee-jun, who had just changed into his school uniform and was organizing his gym clothes, turned his head. He noticed me, looked puzzled, but approached me quietly.

“What’s going on all of a sudden ?”

It was absurd how he asked so calmly, pretending he didn’t know anything. It seemed he hadn’t even heard what i had told him this morning.

“I came because you were just wandering around not listening to anything i said.”

“What does that mean ?”

I glanced up at Seo Hee-jun, a slight frown on my face. His face was so innocent, i couldn’t help but realize he wasn’t just pretending not to know anything, he was genuinely clueless. So, if he didn’t understand after i told him a hundred times, i planned to explain it a hundred and one times.

“I made eye contact with a few other women today.”

“…Yes ?”

I didn’t like Seo Hee-jun asking questions innocently, so i pushed him even harder.

“You mean we just faced each other countless times, exchanging glances ?”

Seo Hee-jun furrowed his brow as if he found it absurd.

“Who is counting all of that ?”

It was said that this happened countless times. At least that’s what it sounded like to me.

I was a little surprised that he quietly nodded when i emphasized and re-emphasized it in the morning, but now i wonder if he even listened to a single sentence. Since it was literally my sister who sent it, i guess he just pretended to listen.

I stared at Seo Hee-jun with narrowed eyes.

“I warned you not to look at other women.”

Seo Hee-jun slowly swallowed his breath.

“…Senior, are you cracking down on me right now ?”

Could those words simply describe the way i monitor, protect, restrain, and sometimes even push Seo Hee-jun every day ? If that’s a crackdown, then i was right in cracking down on him.

“Yeah. You crack down.”

But deep down, i knew. The underlying emotions were too tangled to simply call my actions toward Seo Hee-jun a crackdown.

From the beginning, my feelings for Seo Hee-jun were different from anything common. Whenever i was with him, i would spend all day observing his every gesture and gesture, and even when he wasn’t around, i pictured him in my mind. I’ve been repeating this for over 15 months now, so there’s no way i could ever form a “normal relationship” with him.

Seo Hee-jun, who was looking at my expressionless face, asked.

“Why ?”

It was a natural question from his perspective. But I couldn’t tell him the truth.

“Because your older sister told you to.”

That’s why i unfailingly pulled out my usual excuse this time. At this point, i should have felt guilty toward Seo Hee-young, who was on my lips all day, but having sold her out over a thousand times throughout my entire life, i felt no new sense of guilt.

Instead, it seemed necessary to divert Seo Hee-jun’s attention. He opened his mouth without giving him a moment to doubt the excuse of his sister, who kept coming up.

“Do you have someone you like ?”

Seo Hee-jun rolled his eyes, his expression slightly awkward. He seemed to be pondering for a moment, then asked again without offering an answer.

“Is this also an extension of the crackdown ? If i tell you, you’ll tell your sister ?”

“So, are you saying it exists or not ?”

“But even if it exists, it would be strange for me to tell that to a senior i’ve only known for a day.”

It was absurd that until this morning, he would say things like, “You said we knew each other,” but now he was drawing the line and trying to fit in whatever was advantageous to him.

I let out a dry sigh and studied Seo Hee-jun’s expression. He didn’t seem to be hiding anything.

It’s hard to say for sure, but Seo Hee-jun’s thoughts always showed on his face. In his current situation, it was fortunate that he had that trait.

“If you don’t have it, that’s fine. If you do, just tell me later.”

“I never said i didn’t have any.”

Seo Hee-jun stared at me, his eyes quirked. He seemed to be saying, “I have someone I like,” and i was about to snap out of it, but i caught his expression and shut my mouth. Judging by his visceral expression, which showed no intention of hiding it, i knew he’d snapped in a fit of rage, annoyed at my constant questioning.

Seo Hee-jun, who had been expecting me to be shocked and immediately start asking questions, softened his face at my lack of reaction and immediately asked another question.

“But, did you come all the way down to our class just to check that one thing ?”

Yes, to Seo Hee-jun, my earnest question would be nothing more than a trivial matter, dismissed as ‘just that one thing.’

‘It’s no exaggeration to say that my life depends on that one thing.’

Seo Hee-jun, who always answered, “i don’t like anyone,” fell in love without even showing it, and April 2nd fell apart, and i always returned to March 2nd. There were more than a few times when i thought i might never be able to move on to April 3rd, and i almost gave up.

But giving up and resigning didn’t seem to improve the situation. It would be better for me, for the world, and for everyone else to face the challenge head-on, work hard, and somehow achieve results.

Besides, i no longer had the confidence to endure in this empty world with people who were like empty shells.

“Anyway, I’ll say this again: don’t make eye contact or hang out with other people carelessly.”

“All right.”

“Don’t just say you understand.”

Just then, the bell began to ring, signaling the start of class. Seeing that I still showed no signs of moving, Seo Hee-jun personally turned me around.

“Senior, you really should go now.”

I would have loved to sit in Seo Hee-jun’s classroom and just sit there, but for his stable learning, that wasn’t an option. I had no choice but to quietly turn away.

“Listen hard in class.”

“Senior, you also listen well in class.”

I closed my mouth without saying anything more.

Seo Hee-jun wouldn’t know that attending classes, reading textbooks, and studying were also his privileges as the male protagonist.

I walked slowly towards the stairs.

_________________

It was definitely someone I didn’t remember.

“Yeah. I’ve met him before.”

Even after hearing his confident words, Seo Hee-jun couldn’t remember anything. So, he felt guilty, believing he had truly forgotten him.

It certainly didn’t seem like his statement that he had known Seo Hee-jun for a long time was a lie.

He came to the classroom to find Seo Hee-jun, and he didn’t hesitate to lead the way on the way to Seo Hee-jun’s house. Above all, there was not the slightest hint of awkwardness in his attitude toward Seo Hee-jun.

Even in the midst of all this, Seo Hee-jun tried to remain vigilant and guard against him. But it didn’t go as planned.

Looking back, i found myself engaging in meaningless conversation with him, unknowingly cracking jokes. He accepted Seo Hee-jun’s attitude as if he were used to it.

Putting aside the fact that he’d forgotten his memories of them, it had only been a few hours since they’d met. Still, Seo Hee-jun couldn’t deny the subtle familiarity that kept surfacing.

‘I wonder if it’s because my older sister sent him.’

Perhaps Seo Hee-young had deliberately chosen the right person and sent them to Seo Hee-jun. If so, that would explain much of what felt strange.

But a subtle, unfounded conviction crept in that there must be a more primal and complex reason.

So Seo Hee-jun struggled to remember who he was, when and how he had encountered him. He recalled each and every person he had ever called a “senior.”

Still, nothing came to mind. Maybe it was just my mood, but it felt like something was blocking me from thinking.

“Seo Hee-jun.

Seo Hee-jun was pulled out of his reverie by the sound of a female student standing nearby calling his name. He belatedly turned his head, gathering his plate and spoon.

“Why ?

“Do you know that senior over there ?”

The female student pointed to someone sitting alone at a table in the cafeteria. Seo Hee-jun’s eyes followed the female student’s fingertips.

A familiar face came into view.

‘Senior ?’